People are people, no matter where you go.
That most certainly is true. Like yesterday when we passed a
group of middle-school girls walking down the streets of Belfast. They were all
singing some sort of pop song and on the last note they all started giggling. That’s
expected. That’s universal. But a lot of things aren’t.
I’m gonna try to capture the attitude of the Irish people,
which is almost impossible in a few words, but here’s my attempt. One way of
making a comparison between the Irish and Americans is to take note of their
senses of privacy versus friendliness. The Irish are a very private people.
They speak very softly so as not to be overheard. They go to great lengths not
to draw attention to themselves. They do not impose on those around them as a
strict code of mutual respect. You leave me alone and I’ll leave you alone.
Perhaps after years of religious and political conflict coupled with a heritage
of country-wide poverty, they’ve come to value privacy and personal space as
the only things that they’ve been consistently able to hold on to.
Now please, don’t get the idea that Irish people are mean,
or reclusive. In fact the attitude of the Irish people is very nice, extremely
generous, and contains a keen sense of hospitality. Just a small example of
this is that the day we arrived, Sam and I were having trouble getting our ATM
cards to work, and when we tried to scrap together the little cash we had to
buy a sandwich to split, the girl gave us a second bag of chips at no charge,
with no hesitation. She saw a couple of guys who where in a strange place, and
once she new we were in a bind, her first reaction was kindness. That is the
heart of the Irish. Generosity, hospitality, a very welcoming spirit, but
always on their own terms. Glancing into people’s windows (which are usually
open and right next to the sidewalk, very temping to curious eyes) is
considered extremely rude, and yet after knowing you for 5 minutes you’ll be
invited into somebody’s home for tea. They wont hesitate to let you into their
homes, lives, and conversations, but there must be an invitation. Being
aggressive or even assertive is not looked upon kindly at all.
Now to contrast with the attitude of most Americans.
Comparatively, the typical American attitude is one of openness and
selfishness. We talk loud. We want everybody to know how we feel about things.
Expressing opinions is one of our biggest concerns. We post things on Facebook,
give strangers a piece of our mind if we feel like it, and even put decorations
in our yards that draw attention and give people a wonderful idea of our
lifestyle and personality. We strive to force ourselves onto those around us
and get our feelings hurt if somehow we go unnoticed.
We are an open, extroverted people. But, we are usually very
slow to meet the needs that others express to us. We advertise our level of
wealth in the way we decorate our houses, but if someone were to come in our
yard they would be met by either shouts of anger or a gun depending on who
lives there. A worker in a restaurant would hardly ever offer even a spare bag
of chips to someone scrounging to pay for a meal, because they would be more
concerned with making a profit, or getting in trouble, or even flat our lack of
concern. Dare I say it, but the good ol American work ethic has poisoned our
sense of generosity. We have strived for so long to gain independence and value
it so highly that we have lost something very valuable that the Irish still
retain: a sense of community. Help the guy next to you, because it’s the right
thing to do, then when your time comes somebody will be there to help you.
Now, let me explain my predicament. Ethan doesn’t do well in
places where privacy and courtesy are a big deal. I am a very open and honest
person, and one of my greatest flaws is that I forget that other people are not
like me in that aspect. I can’t simply follow the golden rule, because I have
pretty low standards of how I’d like others to treat me. This goes much beyond
just being American, its ingrained in my personality. If you don’t believe me
ask my roommates. I am loud, and I value expressiveness in others. I am blunt
and sometimes offensive, but I don’t mind it when others disagree with me, and
I use voicing my own opinions as a springboard to learning about others. I can
be invasive, because I genuinely want to find out what makes people tick, what
they’re passionate about. I’m a psychologist by nature. It’s what I do.
By now I’m sure you see the problem. Me, a loud, obnoxious,
outgoing American, just landed in a country full of people with a
mind-your-own-business mentality. Not kool. I was totally not prepared for
this. There was a point when I realized just how serious an issue it was and I
started to feel paralyzed. I was deathly afraid of offending people, of ruining
potential relationships, which are key to the mission work in this area. So for
a little while I did nothing.
I couldn’t stand being totally useless for long though. I
had to figure out how to make this work. I have been on mission trips before
where I’ve had to modify my mannerisms, or even my way of talking, but never
has it been necessary for me to bottle up my personality. I knew I had to find
a way to keep myself open to interaction with people, without completely
letting the genie out of the bottle.
At this point, you’d probably expect me to tell you about
some sort of powerful revelation, or to say something profound, and make it all
better. Sorry, but I can’t. I still haven’t completely resolved this issue.
I’ve received valuable encouragement from my partners over here and from close
friends back home, and sound advice on how to adjust to this extreme form of
culture shock. But, this is
something that’s gonna take more than the span of one blog post to work out.
I’m praying about it intensely. I’m learning to rely on God, which, I’m
beginning to suspect, is the whole point. Take away my people skills and what
do I have left? Nothing. My outgoing nature used to be my greatest tool for
interaction with others, and now its become a liability. Without it I feet very
unarmed, very naked. Sounds like a great way for God to remind me that I need
Him, and that I need to look to Him even when I think I know what to do.
This journey is deep. This is gonna push me. I’ve put a lot
of my life and 2 years of academic effort into learning the psychology of
people and how to interact with them. Then as soon as I start to figure it out
God goes and changes to the people on me. But so far, the one good thing I’ve
realized is that this doesn’t have to be my worst nightmare come true, just God’s
way of waking me up.
-Ethan Bossier
Day 4 in Belfast
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